Another New Blog

I have decided to create a new blog called the half full glass, it has been on my mind for a while and I had convinced myself it was just silly, but I have decided to give it a go and see what happens. This blog will only have posts that are inspirational, fun, or talk about how we can attempt to see the glass as half full. I am happy to post for other people either anonymously or under their names and look forward to everyone contributing if they think they have sometimes that might make others feel good. We will see how it goes. Would love to know what you think about the idea.

Childhood 101

My eldest daughter Christie, the mother of my gorgeous 15 month old grand-daughter Imogen has started up a blog.

Her aim is to share her experiences and to find out what other Mums have to share as well. So for all the wonderful Mums with small children who visit my blog I would love if you would take the time to visit Christie at Childhood 101 and let her know what you think. Maybe you could even pass her blog address onto your friends after all the more the merrier.

Christie was trained as an early childhood teacher working with children from 4-8 years, she then started and ran a childcare centre in Sydney before having her own daughter and then returning to Perth earlier this year.

Birthdays - Steps in our Life Journey

One of my 'sisters' has a significant birthday happening on Wednesday which has got me to thinking about what I was going to write in her card and so I would like to share my philosophy on birthdays.

I take my birthday off work so I can live that day to the fullest - sometimes it is having lunch with friends and family, sometimes it is driving down the freeway with the sunroof open and the wind in my hair (given my birthday is late July I really love it when they day is sunny - which so far luckily most have been), sometimes it is just having a day at home pottering around, but it is my day - the day I came into the world and so in it's own way my special day - for without it I would not be here.

As I have got older I look at birthdays as steps in my life journey, and the big ones 30, 40, 50, 60 and so on are the really special ones. These are the ones where we should celebrate the things we have achieved, reflect on the things we have not and either put them away and accept we most probably never will - or look at it as a chance to try even harder to achieve them. The days when we should be kind to ourselves, to accept that we are not perfect but we are in our own way unique and that we should be proud to have gotten to where we are in life.

Maybe these can even be days when we pat ourselves on the back for most of us don't take the time to do that.

So if you are celebrating a special "Big 0" birthday this year - happy birthday to you - may this birthday be extra special just the way that you are. If you are having a normal birthday soon - happy birthday to you - enjoy the fact that you have achieved another step in your life journey - for some of us unfortunately have a lot less than others and we never know when your last birthday will come.

And to my 'sister' - how lucky I am to have you in my life, I cherish our friendship, I love our laughs together, I value your heartfelt advice but most of all I love you just because you are you. With love on your special Big 0 Day - Karen xxx

Can You Ever Be Too Old To Be A Mother?

I saw a news article today about a 66 year old woman who became pregnant on the IVF program in Europe.  My understanding is that she is a single childless woman.  

As much as I understand the desire to have a child, can you be too old?  For me this is one of those cases, to me this woman is too old.  I try not to be judgemental, but I find this a selfish act.  For me the act of becoming a mother is one of putting yourself into second place. Because to me your child and his or her life becomes the priority.  This includes being around to watch them grow into their adult lives, to be their to emotionally and physically support them, to be the best you possibly can as a role model in their lives.  

Motherhood should not be a selfish act, it should not come from your desire to fill a void - loneliness, longing, missed opportunity.  I don't care that she is single, there are a lot of wonderful single mothers in this world.  But she is 66 years of age, she is old enough to be a grandmother.  She has had to go against the law of nature to have this child, and some doctor somewhere only saw the money for surely they would not have agreed to this if they ethically thought about it.

If she had put her child first she would have realised that no matter how much she loves this child it is not only herself that will be judged by this decision. When her child is a school age they will suffer for having a mother this old they will be teased by their peers - shouldn't happen but it does.  No matter how fit she is now, the older you get the harder it is.  I am only 53 but I have no where near the energy I had in my 20s and 30s or even 40s.  I struggle to get down on the floor with my grandchildren and to run and jump and do the things I did with my children.  When you are older you are more likely to suffer health conditions and be struck down more severely with even the common cold.

Not to mention what happens if she dies - who looks are her child then?  She has no other children to help, maybe she has lots of money and has put some provision in place.  But again, how selfish to only consider herself.

Now I know that even some younger women become ill or die and that marriages fall apart and we sometimes find ourselves in a place we never thought we would be as a mother.  But none of us make a conscious decision to put our children in that position.  This woman has.

I don't know is it just me, or does this seem wrong to others as well.

Perspective People Please - Get A Little

I live in WA and today we had a referendum on whether or not we wanted Daylight Saving. It is the 4th time it has gone to a vote and again it was defeated. If you had asked me what I thought when my children were younger I would have voted No, and that is what I did then. Now, I don't have an opinion one way or another. In some ways it is an inconvenience as we tend to forget to eat until later which is not good for the digestion but really I don't care. My husband doesn't like it because it means he gets up in the dark to go to work for most of the year, but he didn't really care one way or the other. So we are walking up to vote and I said to him, I have no idea which way I am going to vote because I don't really care one way or the other and he felt the same. I didn't ask him which way he voted and he didn't ask me either - that's how little it meant to us.

What I do care about is that having another referendum on the same issue is a waste of money, money that could be used elsewhere - how about our hospital system, or shelters for the growing number of homeless people, or maybe our schools - you get my drift? This referendum cost our State a lot of money to run. Over 10 million dollars - that is obscene to me when I have a friend that I see in pain because she has to wait for a hip replacement in the public health system.

I elect a government to make the tough decisions, if business is pushing for us to get in line with the Eastern States because it is easier for them, then fine, pass the law. But for some reason they want to know what I think - why? If you want to know what I think ask me about something significant like same sex marriages, or the way politicians swan around the world with their wives on my tax payer money, or how we can improve our hospital system or where I would like my tax dollars to go - don't ask me about daylight saving, it is just not that important to me.

And to be honest I was sick of the Nos and much as the Yes campaigners, there are children dying in this world how dare you spend money on and be in my face about where the hands on the clock point.

To top it off I find people on FaceBook getting emotive about the outcome - for goodness sake explain to me how this is that important. How can an hour's difference on the clock make you that emotional. It doesn't give you an extra hour in the day, there are still only 24, only the clock changes. Get some perspective in your lives please. If you are going to be that passionate about this, how about using some of that passion for the important things in this world - like how many homeless people we have on our streets, or the number of people that will be unemployed soon, or the fact that children are dying in the world because they don't have enough food on their table. Can you honestly tell me that every single day of the 3 year DSL trial you did something you could only do with DSL in your life.

When did we become this indulgent society that expends so much of our passion on something that effects our leisure time. I just can't believe that an issue as petty as this can divide a State. If DSL has any relevance to our lives it should be that we have less time to do business with the other side of our vast country - not whether you can go to the beach after work.

But then this is my opinion and you are welcome to yours.

The Rage Inside

If we are honest with ourselves, do we admit how much rage we keep inside ourselves. Keep it there because in polite society we are not encouraged to show how we really feel. What happens when that rage has no where to go? Should we not be able to let it out not matter what?

Well my rage ends up hurting me, my session with Simon showed just how much that is true. The Thursday before last I had an incident at work were I felt disrespected by my boss. It was not his intent but it is how it made me feel. So I stewed on it, then talked about it to one of my 'sisters' to see if what I was feeling was true eg that I was not being too sensitive but that I was justified in being hurt and angry.

When it was confirmed that what I was feeling was indeed righteous I decided that I would talk to my boss about how he made me feel. I had controlled my initial reaction at the time which was to tell him to 'stick it where the sun don't shine' as he is my boss and yelling at him in the workplace was not done in 'polite society'. However I was unable to get any time with him on the day as he was tied up in meetings and didn't get back before I left for the day. Small thing really in the scheme of things you may say, and so would I have, before yesterday. However on the way home that night I stopped in to do a little shopping and my lower back went into spasm and my left leg felt like it was on fire and and I literally hobbled back to the car. My back had been so good I had forgotten how bad it could get and this was worse than it ever had been. Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to overflow - not only at the pain but at the disappointment of it coming back, it took all my effort not to sob out loud.

On the Friday spoke to my boss and he was indeed unaware that his actions had caused me to feel the way I did. It was sorted and we both benefited from having the discussion. Since then my back has been pretty good.

Then my session with Simon yesterday and I mentioned what had happened with my back - nothing about any other things, just that I had been in pain on this one day when I stopped to do some shopping.

So we looked at what caused it to flare up again, and what shows up but feelings of not being respected and rage, real rage about it. So he says to me did someone at the shops show you disrespect or make you feel a fool? No I say, all was good, but wait something did happen at work that day. When we discussed that my muscle jammed so tight Simon was shocked. Obviously that was a major issue.

So what do you know, not dealing with how I was feeling right there and then blocked my meridian and pain was the result. Now I am not saying that I should have shouted or ranted and raved, but I should have dealt with it as soon as it happened. Because if I don't I suffer. So now I have learnt another lesson about how my body deals with all the issues in my life. It is not just your mind or your heart that feels all that happens, it is stored within your body right from when you are young. Food for thought perhaps.

100th Post - A Weighty Question

Well who would have thought it, this is my 100th post, back when I started I thought I would be lucky to do 10.

So what to write about in this the 100th post? Well a weighty issue to be sure. Some of you who read this may agree with me and some may not. For those of you who don't all I hope is that you may at least think about what I have to say and see if you still feel the same after you do.

Melissa (thethingsIdtellyou) has recently blogged about the 4 corners program that revealed the the gang bang (rape) of a 19 year old NZ girl a few years ago by a group of Rugby players. Now I didn't see the program so I can not comment on what was said during that interview. But it seems that Matthew Johns has acknowleged that it happened and he has now faced some serious consequences over his lack of judgement. Rightfully so, maybe he should count himself lucky that he did not end up in jail way back then.

However, Melissa's blog also expressed her confusion that other women on Essential Baby had written things like 'she asked for it' or 'well what did she think was going to happen when she agreed to have sex with 2 men'? There is a list of comments that turned my stomach but unfortunately did not surprise me.

And so this raises the question:

Why is it that women are quite often the first to cast a stone at another women in circumstances like this.

Does not the bible say that only he who is perfect can cast that stone. Do we as women forget the things we did when we where younger? So now when we are wives and mothers it is easier for us to pretend we never had random sex, or put ourselves in situations that could have got out of hand. Sure there are a few women who in this day and age are virgins when they marry, but there are a lot who are not. There are some women who keep themselves totally pure, no heavy petting and the like, but there are also a lot who may not have actually had intercourse, but they have done everything but. So why do we get this amnesia about ourselves, what is it that makes us think it is okay to be holier than thou to another women? I don't have the answer, but I can truthfully say that I am not one of them.

I believe that it doesn't matter if a women chooses to have sex with more than one man. It doesn't matter that she may have been drunk at the time. It doesn't even matter if she thought she was going to be able to brag about it later (which now seems to be a new story in the media).

What everyone must remember is that a women (or man) has the right to say no, even if they started the encounter.

But we must also remember that the reality is, that sometimes we just can't - and that does not in any way mean we consented. Anyone can be paralysed by fear, anyone can take themselves to another place just to cope. I think of myself as a strong woman, but I don't know that I would have the strength to scream or fight when were there 12 men surrounding me. Or to have the mental strength to work out how to make this stop.

So rather than judge this women (or any other), should we not feel saddened by the fact that she has had to endure this inability to defend herself for all these years. Should we not now feel respect for her that she has found the strength to stand up and speak. It doesn't matter if she was paid for this interview or not, she has the right to be heard and it seems that she was denied that right many years ago. Should we as women not show support for anyone who has gone through an experience like this. No wonder more women don't go to the police to report abuse, for if you do, it seems that your actions are judged more than those that have abused you.

On a final note - let us remember that these sportsmen are not Gods and maybe it is time we as a community stopped treating them as such. On the whole they bring nothing good to this world, they just provide entertainment if that is what you call AFL or League or Union.

Mothers

Mothers hold their children's hands for a while, their hearts forever - so says the saying on my fridge. How true this is for me and I know my mother as well. My daughter's are still in the hand holding stage of their mothering 'life journey' - but they too will find that no matter how old your children are, they are still your babies.

This can means that as mother we can fall into the trap of mothering our grown children, which if you are that child may feel that you are being judged, or dictated to, or that maybe your mother is interfering. I can assure you that from my 'mother' perspective that is not what you think you are doing - but from my 'child' perspective that is what it can feel like.

I believe that a mother's love for their child (in most instances - there are always a few who challenge this belief) is the strongest love there is. Mothers will die to save their children, mother's hearts are ripped out when their child is seriously ill, they may put on a brave face for the family - but their hearts are bleeding inside. Mothers have a connection with their children that fathers, even the best of them, just can't have - for we have cradled our babies not only within our hearts but within our bodies - we have whispered softly to them while holding our swollen bellies, we have felt our hearts fill with excitement and joy at that first flutter of a kick from within. We have berated ourselves for things we later feel we have done wrong - decisions made with best intentions that maybe backfire. We have felt our hearts torn when having to make the hard decisions about our children's lives, and even years later there are some of these decisions that still haunt me and bring me to tears with their memory.

Yes there are times when being a mother seems all too much, times when you want to tear your hair out, times when you do the 'if only' game with yourself - but then your child smiles at you, or gives you a hug, or say thanks Mum for all you have done - and then your heart fills with sunshine and it's warmth gives you the strength to face another day of motherhood.

It is not always an easy journey, but it is one I have loved and continue to love, even though my children are now all grown - to me when I look at them I can still see that small bundle (well in my case not so small) of newborn baby placed in my arms - I can still see their first smile within their smiles today, and I still have the memory of holding them close in my arms and smelling their unique baby smell, that sweet aroma of not only milk and baby powder but of the potential that is within them to shine forth in this world.



To my children I thank you for allowing me to be your mother through all the times in your lives, for inviting me to continue my role in your adult lives. To my Mum, I thank you for all you have done for me, for your continued support and love. To all the other Mothers I know (both personally and my cyberspace Mums), I hope that you have a wonderful Mother's Day today and that you too feel the blessing that I feel has been bestowed on me by being a Mum.

When I Come Back

When I come back I want to be a cat. A well loved domestic moggy just like our cat Jarmie. He gets to lay in all day and bask in the sun on my bed. He gets his dinner on demand. He gets to share our bed at night. He has his own personal slave (my hubby). He gets patted and stroked, sometimes on demand. He has cream, chicken, cheese and corn (all his favourite foods start with C) for treats. He doesn't have to worry about where the money is coming from, he doesn't have to worry about his family - although he does worry about my hubby - their relationship is very strong. So when I come back I want to be a cat, with a family that loves me and spoils me - cause right about now that life seems pretty cruizy to me.

A Dark Moment In A Day Of Sunshine

Yesterday was just another day, sunny outside and rolling along as a Sunday does - except my hubby was leaving that night for yet another trip to Adelaide. He was working in his study when he started yelling at the computer and whacking the keyboard because he was frustrated with how slow it was all going and he had deadlines. Rather than run down and make sure he was okay, I sent a little prayer his way hoping he would relax. And then a moment later it went quiet and I relaxed too. A while later though it was almost too quiet and I had a vision pop into my head of a small boy finding his grandfather hanging in a shed and suddenly that vision wasn't a grandfather at all and it wasn't a little boy who found a body it was me. So I rush to the study and there he is just working away quietly and he can see I am upset but I can't tell him why and so I give him a cuddle and leave him be. This man means the world to me and I can't lose him.

And so I dedicate this to him, wish I could say that I wrote it but that would be a lie - it is the lyrics from Love Story (the movie). And the little boy that found his grandfather was not just a random thought it was my hubby when he was 4.

Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love he brings to me
Where do I start

With his first hello
He gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
There'd never be another love, another time
He came into my life and made the living fine
He fills my heart

He fills my heart with very special things
With angels' song, with wild imaginings
He fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go I'm never lonely
With him around, who could be lonely
I reach for his hand - its always there

How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now but this much I can say
I know I'll need him till the stars all burn away
And he'll be there

And for those of you who also love this man, please know he is doing a lot better, it just seems that I am fragile at the thought of him being away from me for a whole week this time, but I'm doing okay too. Just had to put this out there so it is no longer rolling around in my head and heart.

Blue Sky Days

Oh how I yearn for a cloud in the sky, maybe some gentle rain on my window but all I have is blue sky days stretching endlessly on and on.

Now don't get me wrong I love autumn and these beautiful sunny days are wonderful - warm during the day and crisp at night - but oh for some variance when I look out my window.

Fickle I know, in a month or so I will be asking for it all back when the winter storms rage and I can't do my washing and I get wet getting to the car and all I get is grey skies overhead. But that is why I love autumn - normally I get both sunshine and showers.

Raindrops On Roses

My favourite things ...

Raindrops on roses = my favourite flowers - roses and frangipanis

Whiskers on kittens - my favourite animals = cats and orangutans

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens - my favourite season = autumn, snuggled with a good book as gentle breezes blow and soft rain falls on the window.

Brown paper packages tied up with string = my favourite surprise = when I am working in the kitchen and my hubby comes up behind me and kisses my neck or gives me a cuddle

Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels = my favourite food - chocolate

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles = my favourite treat - visiting friends to share a meal

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings = my favourite part of the day - a full moon in a cloudless night sky all yellow as it rises over the hills

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes = visits from my grand-daughters

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes = cold winter nights snuggled in bed under my favourite blanket

Silver white winters that melt into spring = crisp frosty mornings

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favourite things and then I don't feel so bad. Hurry home my sweet man - 5 sleeps without you is almost too much to bear.

Oh How I Love To See Him Laugh

Yesterday my eldest daughter, son in law and their adorable little girl came over to finish painting my dining room and entry. They have been helping us out with the painting as my hubby just hasn't found the time with all his travelling for work and I'm just a waste of space when it comes to painting.

My hubby has been under lots of stress with his work and seems to have had little to smile and laugh about lately. Well yesterday was no exception, he was working from home trying to get stuff done before he flies out to Adelaide today (he is also working from home today).

We tried to give him the space he needed but a little munchkin loves her Grumpy and loves his drums - for those of you who don't know my hubby is also a drummer. Our other grand-daughter also loves mucking about on Grumpy's drums and keyboard. While hubby is a little anal about his drum kit with everyone else - he loves it when his grand-daughters want to jam. So after numerous trips into Grumpy's study to help him with his work - picking up his papers and handing them to him - I think she was saying - hey Grumpy enough work I want to play with you, she did some drumming. Hubby had to take some photos while she sat on my knee and has downloaded them onto his computer.


A little later after tea when munchkin was waiting for her Daddy to run her bath, Grumpy and the munchkin played the tickle me game - munchkin's laugh is so infectious that my hubby laughed so much his face hurt. Oh how I love to see him laugh, how I love to see that sort of joy on his face.

As I said before - grandchildren are the best gift your own children ever give you and these small moments in time are ones you want to frame.

The Sisterhood Award

I am humbled by the fact that Amanda nominated me for the Sisterhood Award. This award is passed on by women to women who's blogs are in their opinion inspirational or encouraging.

The interesting part of this award is that it is Amanda's blog that started me looking at other people's blogs and so in no small way was the reason I started blogging. It is from her blog list that I found other young blogging women. Some of whom I still follow today - nearly 18 months later.

As part of the award I have to nominate 5 (or more) other women whose blogs I find inspirational and give a reason why.

So I would like to pass this award onto

Melissa - I love checking out Mel's bog - she is a wonderful young Mum who is so honest about her life, including all the bad stuff, she has really strong values and is not afraid to share them by bringing the injustices of the world to your attention. She can be naughty, nice, funny and serious - so every time you visit your are never disappointed in what you find which is why she is on my regular reading list. Melissa inspires me with her honesty and I value her as a follower of my blog. Melissa can be found at the things I'd tell you

Donna's was the second blog I found way back when I started - her blog then was about her journey through a tough and very stressful 5th pregnancy. Her love of her family and her inner strength while facing the possibility of having a child born with downs syndrome is what initially kept me going back. I stay because she is truly inspirational - she has 3 small children at home, is studying at uni, running a house and still somehow keeps a sense of humour. She is also doing what I should be doing and that is losing weight and becoming fitter which includes her getting up at 5 every day to workout at the gym. You can find Donna at fiveby40

Mary - What can I say about Mary - she is witty, she can have me crying and then laughing out loud, she is honest and forthright and a very talented writer. She has 3 adorable children and she loves to cook - she has almost inspired me to cook again - almost. You can find Mary at Gossip, Heresay & Tittle Tattle

MckMama - I found MckMama on Mel's blog - she had a button called Praying for Stellan which sparked my attention. I don't know her real name but here is another young woman full of strength and honesty who has 4 small children. Stellan is her youngest son and early in her pregnancy MckMama was told he had heart disease and would more than likely not survive. He is now six months old and to look at him you would not know that he has had numerous heart operations and is still very unwell. MckMama has a wicked sense of humour and takes the most beautiful photos of her kids which she happily shares. If you want to be inspired you can find MckMama's story at My Charming Kids

Nicole - is a Mum who I found on Donna's blog. She has 2 beautiful boys. When I first read her blog she was pregnant with her youngest son. What kept me coming back was her sense of honesty - she struggled with some very dark days during her pregnancy and her honesty was and still is refreshing. You can find her here at The Life of Us

And while I don't think I can nominate Amanda in reverse a visit to her blog is also a regular stop for me. I have known Amanda since her early teens when we met while I was helping at our church's Girls Brigade. We recently reconnected and it was a joy to find that she and her hubby were back in Perth and now parents to two beautiful girls. Amanda is extremely creative and very active in her Church. You can find her here Amanda's Musings

I am extremely encouraged by the strength, honesty and integrity I find in the young women who's blogs I have stumbled across. It gives me great hope that there is indeed a future to look forward to, for these Mum's are the guiding hands on our future generations.

The Black Dog

I think it was Winston Churchill that spoke of his 'black dog' that was always with him. I imagine that all of us have had one accompany us at some time in our lives, I also imagine that sometimes it is just a wee little dog and other times can be a large aggressive dog.

Luckily for me so far the dog I carry has been mostly small and well behaved and if and when he starts to get a little out of control I have had the ability to reassert that I am the master - sometimes with a cry, sometimes with a slamming door, sometimes with removing myself from a situation.

However I have someone I love deeply who's black dog is much more aggressive, and it is hard to watch when that dog takes control and literally takes its master by the scruff of the neck and shakes its master around. I try to be as supportive as I can. I offer my love and my shoulder to lean on. I try and help to make sense of what seems to make no sense - this is a person who is one of the smartest I know and it is hard to watch them sometimes struggle with what seems like the easiest choices but when this dog has control no choice is easy. I wish I had a magic wand to make this black dog disappear, but I can do nothing but be there and watch and hope that just by being there I in some way help.

It seems that these large aggressive black dogs take the colour out of the day, take the warmth from the sun, take the joy from your soul. I hope the love I offer is a life raft and that the small moments of happiness - like a little girl running up behind you and wrapping their arms around your legs and cuddling in tight, or a a cat that snuggles in your lap and purrs loudly because he is trying to help or a wonderful lunch with friends is enough to keep you connected to the good things in your life. It is hard for me to know if this is enough as I have never really been in the same head space. But I keep hoping because to lose the love of my life is not someone I want to contemplate.

If you too are suffering in anyway, I pray that you have someone in your life that can help.

www.beyondblue.org.au